dan was here...

So this is it then! I'm back in Melbourne, got in yesterday morning. Head is still flying, jetlag is weirder than I remember. I think people are already sick of hearing the words "In Berlin..." and "What I love about Holland is...". Just deal with it.

Finished up in London. Broke my bag, Beth set fire to the kitchen, I nearly slept through my cab and therefore missed the train and nearly missed my flight to Finland. Fell asleep at the airport and woke up surrounded by no less than 120 Indian people having a picnic. I was in the middle of them all, like the centrepiece or something. Toyko was very very very hot. Only like 35 degrees or something, but I felt like I was going to die. Went to a few shrines and/or temples, had some food which I didn't know what it was, went to Shibuya and Harajuku and was staying is Asakusa. It was all amazing, but I was so wiped out that I don't think I really engaged with what I was seeing. Another time, hopefully. Here's some photos:



Bizarre smoking stations on the street!
You're not meant to smoke and walk at the same time,
so you stop by this little bus-stop-esque thing and smoke,
then keep walking. Hilarious.
Do you love that it's called 'Manners Street'?
Toilet with a computer inside.
It heats the seat so your bum is warm,
and there are like 100 buttons on it,
so you can change options and select
features and flavours and change it to surround sound...


The streets in Japan are crazy, people everywhere, and the buildings are so high and there are ads blasting from every screen above your head, massive cinema-sized ads carrying on up in the sky while you feel like you're walking through a considerably cleaner Bladerunner. People were generally quite helpful, women moreso than men. Lots stopped to ask if I was ok, particularly when I had my big bag on. Some people even gave me a little clap when I put my bag on while on the train. Then they bowed, and I bowed too, and kinda lost my balance because I bowed too low, and they laughed and bowed again, and I thought... I'm not going to fall for that again, you guys. You're just messing with me! Cheekies. Especially nice were the two girls and boy from Hong Kong (who were all dressed in kimonos?) who gave me 100Yen after I massively fucked up all my train transfers and bought the wrong tickets on the way to the airport and had no money and no ATM and I thought I was going to die from my bags and the heat. I must have looked like a crazy person, one of those obnoxious Australian just yelling "ATM!" louder and louder at the train station assistant in the hope that he would understand me if it was screamed at him.

Not much left to say, really. I had a blast. Met some wonderful people, saw some crazy shit, used some terrible keyboards, ate some suspicious food, heard some amazing stories that I will definitely steal as my own... and hopefully it won't be another 2 years before I get to do something like this again. America2009? Let's wait and see...



xd

Hometime...

And so I'm on my way home.

Monday night we went to this really tight bar called U Sudu, which the American girl from the pub crawl told us to go to. It has a really unassuming front, just a normal doorway, but once you go inside it all changes. It's underground, and had about 10 or 12 different rooms, all going deeper and deeper underground - a rabbit warren with little stone-walled bunkers all connected by windy staircases and corridors. We went to the deepest room we could find, and they were playing Daft Punk, and no-one was speaking English, and we were very very happy. The bartender made Jes a couple of his own special cocktails - 'Sweet' was the only instruction she was allowed to give - and we just sat and chatted and drank sweet cocktails til it was time for bed. It was such a great place. Really chilled out but buzzing with life, too, and was fuller when we left than it was at 10, when we arrived. Really cool.

Our last day in Prague was a really nice one. We got up late-ish, and decided to go for a walk to see the 'real' Old Prague Castle, the one they built before they built the Old Prague Castle. We got halfway there, though, and the stormclouds that had been gathering all morning decided they'd had enough gathering and wanted some action. It went like this:

Jes and I are walking down a street. The clouds are black. She says 'Shall we head back to the hostel?' We had no brolly and she no cardigan, so we weren't all that keen to be stuck in the rain. So we head back the way we came. Halfway down the street - a little, tiny Czech sidestreet, population 5 - there is an enormous, and I mean enormous, flash of light, and a huge clap of thunder. Not a clap, a roar. We both ducked, along with everyone else in the street. Jes thought we were at war, convinced it was a bomb. I wasn't entirely disagreeing with her, even when I was assuring her it was just thunder. It was so freakin intense. It must have been right on top of us or something - I have never heard or seen anything like it. Crazy! The heavens open, and we leg it.

So we run into a supermarket to try and escape the rain. Jes bought some powdered brocolli soup, we both bought a KitKat, everyone's happy. The rain had eased, so we thought we'd just keep wandering, and see this part of town that we hadn't been to yet. Very much off the tourist path, it was mostly locals doing theird thing, the odd person with a map thrown in for good measure. We walk past this little restaurant, and Jes suggests we get some real Czech food, but we can't read anything on the menu and I tell her this and we keep walking, to the next restaurant, which is slightly fancier, and has their menu in English, too. We stop to read it, looking for a non-meat-based option for Jes, and the guy from the OTHER place comes out and says 'Come inside for some real Czech food!'. I kinda laugh and tell him we'll think about it. We eventually decide to go in. It's tiny, this place, a big grubby. Nowhere to sit, only benches to stand at and lean on. Old Czech men and women stand and eat their big plates of food, drink their beers. It looks cheap, but smells pretty good. I order this dish called 'svickova', which the American girl from the pub crawl recommended. I know it's meat and dumplings, but not much else. Jes isn't eating. The cook says he can make it up specially for me, even though it's not on the menu. It's basically little medallions of beef, in a big creamy sauce made from root vegetables and cream, served with bread dumplings and whipped cream and cranberry sauce. He brings out a huge plate literally overflowing with sauce, and wow. It is pretty amazing. Stodgy as hell, especially with the dumplings, but so tasty. Jes gets us some enormous beers, which are only about a dollar fifty, and I tuck in. The cook speaks a bit of English so comes over to chat to us. He spent 10 months in Cairns a few years back, so we talk about Australia a little bit. He complains about the European Union, and then tells us the business is his family's - he and his father run it, his mother and his brother and his brother's girlfriend all work there. He talks about the marijuana laws in the Czech Republic - 'You can grow, just no give to children!' (which seems pretty sensible, really) - and how he hates the EU for the way it tries to homogenise Europe, and how countries need to hold on to their traditions and cultures. Some Norwegian girls we met in Berlin said similar things. Then he says to us, 'You like alcohol?' and we kinda laugh a little and point to our beers. He runs behind the counter and Jes and I crack up, not knowing what to expect. He comes back with a bottle of Czech liqueur made of citrus, a little like limoncello but darker and thicker and more intense. He pours us a shot, and himself one too, and we all toast and have it. It's nice, not amazing, and burns the backs of our throat. We talk about it for a bit and then he pours us ANOTHER. Ok. I don't know how he expected to go back to work after that, because we were hammered. We didn't want to refuse, we wanted to be polite and nice, seeing as he was so interested in chatting to us, but when we left like a half hour later, we were wobbly kneed and had to stop on a bench for a minute to compose ourselves. We giggled for about an hour, I think. It was such a lovely little experience, and I was full to the brim with good food and good feelings afterward. The meal only cost me about 5 dollars, too, which was amazing!

We went back to the hostel, napped, packed, went and saw Get Smart at the movies, then went out to a pretty fancy looking restaurant where I had the 'svickova' again - very nice again, but so filling, and I was still full from lunch! In fact, I'm still full now, and I'm in London - and Jes had a veggie bowl with fried cheese, and we shared a baked potato, and we had drinks, and it all worked out to about 20 bucks each. Amazing. Again, unassuming front, down into a little bunker-style room with stone walls and a curved ceiling. Very quiet, but very nice.

Left Prague this morning. Said an emotional goodbye to Jes at the hostel, and got on the 2-trains-and-a-bus to the airport. I sat right up front of the plane, thinking it would be good to make a quick getaway once I got to London. Of course, right up front is where all the babies and toddlers were sitting, and they were all so grumpy at being in seatbelts and yelling and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming... They all fell asleep eventually, which was nice. I got into Stansted about 10.30am local time, and made my way here to Gloucester Rd, to see the folk at the hotel - Inga, Pat - before meeting Beth after she finished work. I'm now waiting for Inga to finish work at 3.30 so we can go for a drink, then will go meet Beth, then George comes home, then we stay up, and I leave for Heathrow at about 3 or 3.30am.

That's all. I miss Jes, it's very very weird not having her 10 metres away. I have all these amazingly witty things to say and no-one to say them too. I cried a bit before, again, but that was so gay so I just stopped and ate a sandwich instead. And NO, I didn't sing Wicked out loud on the Tube, that did NOT happen. Jes would've appreciated it.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
d

Czech this shit out...

We have seen so many people wearing tshirts that say "Prague - Czech me out!" that I now am finding it difficult to fight the urge to punch them in the back of the head.

Let me begin by sazing that the keyboards here trade the y and the z, and I am trying real hard to remember, but if I slip up, dont kill me. I also cant find the apostrophe, or most of the other punctuation stuff.



Prague isnt our favourite citz in the world. We were having serious doubts earlier in the week, considering going to Switzerland as originallz planned. It is reallz cool in some aspects, and so freakin prettz, but it the 40000 tourists that are everywhere are a bit of a pain in the arse. Plus everyone is real rude. But then on Saturday night we went on a pub crawl and everzthing changed. Well, not everzthing. But the story sounds better if I say that it did.

Despite not reallz enjoying the last pub crawl we went on, we figured that it would be a good way to meet people, see some of Pragues nightlife, and get out of the creepy hostel. We approached the meeting point carefully, making sure that no-one was too scary looking. There were the obligatory 25 desperate-looking men and 4 vague-looking girls. We got chatting to this girl Sarah, from LA, who spent a year in Australia. She was pretty cool, verz chilled. She was friends with the guy that ran the thing, apparently. So we head off to the first bar, its prettz good, but we quicklz realise that everzone is lame and we dont like them, so we go and sit outside to chat to Sarah. Turns out she is the sister of the dude that is hosting the night, and he is the dude that runs the whole company. He set it up himself a few years ago, built it up from scratch. So there we are, chatting away, they make fun of my haircut, we make fun of their accents, we all make fun of the tourist who perpetually talks about where he has been, where hes going, what he seen, did you like Paris, Berlin was amazing, I got ripped off in Portugal, yada yada yada. And then Isaac says something about getting a text message from someone, telling him to get out now because he has a kid. Jes and I are like... Er. What? Turns out theres about 3 pub crawls in operation in Prague. Each make something like 700 Euro each a day. The Ukranian mafia figured this out, and want to control the whole lot, taking the booty of 2000plus Euro a day for themselves. So theres been death threats against them, their families, their patrons. Turns out Sarah is Isaacs sister and has come along for moral support because the threats they thought were emptz until that point suddenlz seemed real, and it looked like he was going to be pushed out by the mob. We were floored. This shit reallz happens? Apparently they all have 3 weeks to live, now. Isaac has filed a police report, but apparentlz they werent helpful. Its crayz! Sarah then said she knew a guy who could make the bad men disappear forever for just 5000czK, but I dont think they were going to follow through with that. Hopefullz. They were all so nice, and it was so sad to see them all upset while their customers were inside getting drunk on free absinthe. We only stayed until the next bar, and then headed home, but not before Sarah told us to go visit her at her work so she could give us a few pointers on cool things to do in Prague. Now that Ive written all this down the mob will surely find it and come after me, but at least you all know about it now.

Today we had a real busy day. We started by visiting this crazy monument to Kafka, where a mini Kafka is riding a headless and handless giant Kafka.



We then headed up to Prague Castle, which was a bit lame because of all the thousands of people, but it was so old and offered a pretty tight view over the whole city.



The hill we had to walk up to get there thought was just not on. Hills are so gay. We wandered around there for a while, then headed over to an area called Mala Strana, which is this big like forest area, with a little mini Eiffell Tower on the top. Some Czech dude thought the Paris one was structurally unsound, so built his own tiny version. You can climb it, we didnt. We had Ryvitas with peanut butter and jam instead. Tasty times. Actually, on the way over the Mala Strana we stopped at this clifftop restaurant and sat on the edge overlooking the whole city and ordered Pina Coladas, which was pretty exciting. We felt like rich people for a minute, until we had to scramble for coins at the bottom of our bags to pay for them.






We got the funicular, which is like a tram cart thing, to the bottom of the hill, and then got lost in the tiny streets trying to find the Lennon Wall. Its this tight wall thats like a shrine to John Lennon, been around for ages, and was started under communism when all his fans loved his rebel attitude. Its covered in graffiti and lyrics and stuff, its pretty cool. See here...







Theres not much else to add really. There probably is but I forget.
Only one and a half more days left here... Very excited about Tokyo! I probably wont blog again until then, so I guess this is nearly goodbye... but not yet.

Photos! More on the flickr account too...

This is what Czech people wear everyday.

And this is how they travel to work everyday...

This is how they are punished for their crimes.

Jes and I in front of the Charles Bridge.

See you all real soon.
xd

Berlin to Prague...

So Prague is really old and cool.

We got the train here from Berlin on Thursday, took about 5 hours. I was up late playing cards with some Canadians at our hostel, so didn't get to bed til late, and slept in my clothes, and then got up early to check out, and didn't shower, and didn't change, and then got on the train hungry and greasy and still feeling gross in the tummy. It was a pretty smelly journey, overall. There was a little kid on the train who had a Happy Meal AND a McChicken, and it looked so good. We sat there plotting how to kill him and eat him and wondered whether he would taste like McChicken too.

Given the tiredness on the train, we were pretty grumpy when we got to Prague. The whole place smelled like sausages and boiled potatoes. We got to an ATM to take out some Krona, and could only get 1000czK notes, but when we tried to buy train tickets to get to our hostel, no-one would accept them! We actually argued with the lady at the ticket booth, and then figured maybe we could swap it at a shop for some Mars Bars or cigarettes or something. Not a chance. I was tempted to just buy 700 croissants and take the change, just so we could get on the goddamn train! We tried swapping it at all the money exchange offices, the workers there barely pausing long enough to put down their own cigarettes before rudely shaking their heads at us. Then Jes had a brainwave, and that was to swap my last 4 Euro into Krona, and we JUST had enough for train tickets. So we ran back to the booth and this CRAZY little lady no taller than a hobbit, all dressed in black with gnarled features and grey hair - a witch, really, she was a witch - tried to push in front of us. So Jes kinda stepped in front of her. So she pushed in front of the guy behind us. It was so weird. She just saw a line and decided to join it halfway. Crazy Czechs. The whole country has basically been like that, just rude people shoving you and not apologising, so I've just started shoving straight back. There's no point trying to be friendly, it's totally not on the radar. Last night a man on the street asked us if we wanted to buy weed, cocaine or hash (our choice) from him, but we decided against it, even though it was like midnight and he didn't look shady at all with his hood up and no teeth. We were also wary, as someone left a note on the pin board at the hostel saying "Don't buy off the streets - I paid 800 Krona for 4 breath mints!!!!". Blackmarket breath mints are clearly a big problem here.

The hostel is ... well. It's not bad. It just needs a better communal area, and a policy of not allowing crazy Scottish men to stay there, especially if they're old. We just checked in and this dude in our room, no younger than 45, started talking to us about stuff, and I honest to God could not understand a word he was saying. We just nodded and smiled and said a few things about buying dinner and then ran away.

And then dinner. Hoo boy. We decided we wanted to cook our own food. Which was fine, there were supermarkets and the hostel had a kitchen. We went to a Tesco Express (yes, they're here too!) to scope out the situation. Apart from everything costing a lot, it was all in Czech. We tried to buy butter - we had to peel OPEN the butter and nibble at it to make sure it was butter! It wasn't, so we closed it and shoved it right up the back. And then we wanted pesto. Jes chased a man through the supermarket shaking a jar of green watery puree at him, but he didn't know what it was and said it should definitely not go on pasta. Ok. So then we decided to get cous cous. Cous cous, fetta, mushrooms, cheese, olives and sundried tomatoes. All mixed in together, amazing. We rush back to the hostel, cut everything up, boil the water, add the cous cous... except it's not cous cous. It might have been semolina, or Durham wheat, but was most probably some kind of porridge, and it was so thick that it was hard to stir, so we kept adding water and it just got more and more porridge-y. We ate it anyway, and it was pretty good, just needed some salt and some more cheese and it would've been ok. But I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone - porridge and sundried tomatoes are not meant to go together.

Scottish man was still there the next morning though. And that night. He came in (I think it was him, maybe it was the other Scottish man - there were 3 of them!) with a torch on his head and started getting ready for bed. Anyway, the next morning, he woke me up at like 8 or something to talk about the French Riviera, and how it differs from the Italian Riviera, and so I started trying to read my book and ignore him, and he just wouldn't stop talking! I kept thinking I'd managed to squash him with a final-sounding "Haha, oh well. Next time maybe", and there'd be silence for a few seconds, and then he'd start over. Gaah! Don't wake me up early to talk about boring stuff! Don't wake me up at all! And then Jes went to the bathroom and left me all alone. I thought I was going to die, just lying there with this old Scottish man peering down on me from above, standing right next to my bed.

Tummy is still feeling very unusual. I don't know, this morning we had baked beans and fibre crackers, and we got more fibre crackers to snack on, and we're having veggies for dinner. I feel like maybe I have a tapeworm or a baby or something inside me, or an alien. The tapeworm is maybe a possibility, seeing as the chicken I ate in Berlin might actually have been pieces of old shoe, and then the goat at the zoo ate from my hand and I bit my nails without washing them, meaning I basically ate goat spit. It's like I'm carrying a bag on my front, my tummy is actually HEAVY and solid. But look, it's better today, and I don't think you all need to know any more or hear any more about my digestion, I'm sure you've had enough. By the time I'm home, it'll be allllll good.

Yesterday we spent a full day wandering around. We started off at Bethlehem Church, which we climbed to the top of, and got the most stunning views of the city. I have photos but this computer is not happy with me so refuses to help me upload them. I'll do it soon.

Then we went to the Astronomical clock, which is like a lunar clock. Every hour it does a little show, and it was possibly the most piss weak thing I have ever seen. Death rings a little bell, and then the apostles jerk around, and then a crow makes a noise like a raspberry being blown, and it's over in about 40 seconds. Everyone was so excited, this massive crowd. It was really embarrassing.

Then we headed over into the older part of town, up near the castle, and checkout out some old bridges and went to some cool shops. This one shop was like this ace little boutique of clothes and toys made by architecture and design students at the local university. Really great stuff. This morning was markets, and an attempt to see the Old Jewish Cemetary, but it's the Sabbath so it's all closed up. Tonight we're going to go out and try to meet some normal-aged people, and we have a few little plans for the next couple of days, but overall just want to wander and keep getting lost in the little streets, which we are experts at doing by the way.

We went and saw The Incredible Hulk last night ... wow. WOW. GO AND SEE IT. So good. Hulk Smash!!

Can't believe I'm home in a week. Leaving here Wednesday, flying to London, chilling with Beth and George for the night, then on to Tokyo via Finland, and then MELBN!

The depressing stuff...

Sunday night Jes and I were totally wiped and so decided something had to give. We'd had enough of old buildings and old bridges and old art, so decided to do something fun and normal. So Monday morning, we packed up our things and headed off to the zoo!

This was all very exciting, and even thought our tummies were feeling real yuk, we thought that a whole bunch of cute and scary animals would cheer us up. Which they did, for the most part. We saw all the big cats, which I guess is the most depressing part of the whole experience. I don't know if I totally believe in zoos, but I guess the conservation work and breeding programs and etc are necessary and good, so maybe they are ok. The cats are depressing because they're so big, and they're generally in relatively small enclosures. Which I know is just the 'public' enclosure, and they have more room out back, but it's still not a lot, is it? They'll never know what it's like to run a whole lot, run like 300metres through grass and trees and stuff. And they're MEANT to do that. But then I guess I'm 'meant' to do a lot of things that I don't do, including running 300metres, or any number of metres. But I get to choose that. Anyway. The cats. They were so cool, obviously, because they are amazing and sleek and agile and will kill you. The tigers were... wow. So there's the big tiger enclosure, which was actually pretty snazzy, I guess because tigers are sexy and sell magazines, so they get the better stuff. So you look at the enclosure from the front and the sides and from the back, but the back is through a pane of glass, cos you're kinda 'in' the enclosure when you go through the back entrance. One tiger, the lady, was pacing up and down this strech of glass, only like 3 metres long, while we stood there, on the other side, staring at her. She was like 5cm from our faces. It was absolutely amazing. She just looked like a really really big Ding Ding, with stripes, and teeth the size of my face, and paws the size of dinner plates. The monkeys were pretty cool, too, specially the babies. One chimp was getting chased by the others and got so scared he did a poo. Then a baboon was masturbating but realised everyone was watching so turned around to face away from the crowd. And we think maybe another monkey was performing a sex act on the big boss monkey, because he was smiling and all we could see was the back of her head. ANYWAY. So the zoo was great, we saw penguins (which we learned from our time watching Animal Planet in Holland are the most inefficient walkers in the world) and seals and elephants and giraffes. The giraffe keeper was yelling at them in German because they wanted food and he had none so was kicking them out of the feeding pen. It was funny, because even though you know giraffes don't speak English, you think maybe they might understand a little bit, but German? No. Giraffes do not speak German. We also went into the childrens petting zoo to feed goats and ponies, and we got goat spit on our hands and then forgot to wash them before lunch. All the parents brought their kids in there to get up close to a baby goat, but the kids were TERRIFIED and screaming and crying, desperately trying to get away. We also saw the baby polar bear, Knut, but he wasn't a baby anymore, he was just a big bear eating a fish. Funny how all the signage is still him as a little cub, all cute and white and playing with butterflies. Walking past the wolf enclosure, we saw them eating some meat and stuff. Jes waved at me madly and yelled across the zoo "DAN! A wolf doing poo!" She wasn't lying. He was doing poo.

This was very sad, a lion by himself in a concrete room. But it was just his pre-feeding room, so after being in there he got to eat. Or before. He was separated from the girls, at any rate. He looked so fuckin depressed, but then got up and was running around. It's the eyes, the Labrador eyes that make your heart break in two.

Me and elephants! One of them was real hungry and kept banging on the door of that building to let the waiter know he was ready to eat now.

Jes and the pygmy zebras.

Video time! Excuse the poor quality of the tiger one, but you get the idea.





I filmed this penguin about 8 times for like 20 minutes total, waiting for him to just JUMP. He never did. He ran back and forth over and over. Idiot.





Tuesday we went to Sachsenhausen, which is a concentration camp about 45 minutes outside Berlin. It was pretty heavy and moving and very uncomfortable. We got there and bumped into Jessy, the girl who was our tour guide last week. She was there to do a private tour, but suggested we jump onto another one that her colleague was running, so we tagged along with his, and didn't have to pay which was pretty nice. We tipped him good. He took us around the facility, which has both original buildings but also reconstructions. Much of it was destroyed or burnt down, so some of the buildings there now are purely for memorial purposes. The stories were horrible, the living conditions were horrible, and I guess we all know the stuff that happened. It was mostly a men's camp, with a small number of women kept in a bordello for the high-performing soldiers. What struck me the most was how much like a business it all was, and how it was about effective use of money and space and resources. For example, it was found that large camps had lower productivity than smaller camps. And so smaller camps were built instead, littered throughout the countryside, pockets here and there. Sachsenhausen was a 'model' camp, the camp that international dignitaries were brought to, kept all nice and clean and maintained, unlike other camps like Auschwitz whose appearance reflected the activity going on inside. From what I understood, it was also a 'base' for these smaller camps, so people ate and slept there, but often went out to do manual labour elsewhere. That's probably wrong, but at any rate, it was real bad. The most fucked up bit was the killing rooms. The buildings are gone, but their foundations are still there, and you can walk through them. Obviously no-one had any interest in rebuilding or replicating the rooms, so you have to use your imagination, which I guess is bad enough, and still not anywhere near bad enough. The gas chambers and portable gallows were really scary. I kinda felt a bit sick at the end of the whole thing.

Jes is sick today with a bit of a fever and a tummy issue, which is still affecting me, too. We're eating real light in an attempt to shake it.

Prague tomorrow, instead of Switzerland. Expensive, but hopefully a great way to end my trip. I'll fly from there to London for one last night with Beth and George, then to Heathrow for the leg home! Looking forward to my little weekend stopover in Tokyo, too. Tiiiiiiiiiiight.

xd

Studio 54

Yesterday we (me, Jes and Kelsey) went shopping to this massive department store called KaDeVe, which is like 8 levels... it was huge. The bottom floor was all fancy, accessories and bags and stuff. They had a Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Lagerfeld, Dior ... there was money being thrown around everywhere. We went into Chanel for a minute, the assistant was like "Can I help you?" and when we said we were just looking, she stared at us as if to say "Filth". She glared at us the whole time, not appreciating Jes' attempt at good humor when she put on a pair of 800euro sunglasses and smiled at her. I swear as soon as we left they got out the Hobo Spray and cleaned all the products we'd touched.

We spent a long time on the mens and womenswear floors, looking at all the stupidly expensive clothes and hats and gloves. Why pay 10 dollars for a plain white tshirt when you can pay 700? Bargain. The food floor was pretty much heaven, too, all the cooking done teppanyaki-style right out in the open. I stared at a chef making potatoes in a pan for like 10 minutes, and then glared at the man that got to eat them. He didn't share or anything. One weird thing though was the smell, and this seems to go for all of Berlin. It's built on very swampy ground, so maybe it's like the bog underneath, but you're walking along and all of a sudden ... eggs! Sulphur! Poo! Garbage! It's gross, but I guess would be good if you were really gassy, because no-one would know if you farted or if it was just the city. Flatulent people of the world, Berlin is your homeland.

Last night Jes and I did something we're not so proud of. We went on a tourist pub crawl. We figured it couldn't be THAT bad, they promised to show us some cool bars, and we'd meet people and be social, and if it was funny then at least we had a good story to share. Well. 10 Euro gets you a round of pre-drinks at the designated meeting spot - the train station, outside, standing around drinking warm beers. Classy. Then we walk to the first bar. It's ok, we sit outside, meet this 19 year old guy from Tasmania called Trent who is a bit of a tool but nice enough maybe. It's me, Jes, Trent, and these two Norwegian girls from our dorm who we originally thought were a bit fucked, but turned out to be not so bad. (We judged them based on a 4am-lights-on episode, which was pretty rude, but whatever.) The pub crawl people gave us free cherry liqueur, which was quite tasty. I wasn't feeling so good from the daytime, so wasn't planning on staying out late or participating in much of the festivity, but one shot wasn't going to kill me.

The second shot, though. Wow.

So we leave the first bar and congregate in an alleyway - maybe 50 of us? 70? - led by this American called Jock or Jake or Jimmy or Dickhead, I don't remember. The 'free shots' at the next bar were to take place RIGHT NOW, in the alleyway. Basically, we were meant to line up, and he walked past and poured Jaegermeister directly into our mouths, making sure to rub it all over our lips so it got all good and salivary. Uh, how about no? Deciding hepatitis wasn't really for us, Jes and I stood back and watched the packs of British and Australian men wrestle for prime position under the bottle..

We were beginning to think maybe the night wasn't going to be so amazing after all, but headed off to the next bar. On the way, we encountered several members of the group doing wees on the footpath and in the bushes. The 5 minute walk was too much for them apparently, they just had to do it right then, in public, in front of the whole crowd. It must have something to do with wanting to have their penises as close as possible to the women at all times. The second bar smelled like syphilis, but at least the sambucca shots came in cups. The third bar was an underground den that wasn't terribly bad - we danced a bit and had a beer - and it was at this point of the night that the couples started to form. One, at least, had a very public pash in the middle of the bar, and people even took photos of them. The whole night was like one big mating ritual, men running around headbutting each other and calling each other fags and then touching their balls, and the girls would stumble along in their heels and then say "Oh my god" a whole bunch of times, and then their breasts would fall out of their tops. Humans should be locked in cages and studied. We randomly bumped into Kelsey on the street, and forced her to come with us, which I'm sure she appreciated.

The last bar was totally, 100%, amazingly worth it. Wow. It was called Studio 54, and is the bottom floor of this massive six-level squat/artist space. The bar is pretty lame inside, but outside is a massive garden, all sand, and littered with junk. Basically a junkyard bar, with fairylights and big installation pieces and bands and stools to sit on. It was amazing. The graffiti and stencils on the walls were so tight, and you can look up into the windows of the artists spaces above you. I didn't get any photos, but we'll go back and I'll take some. Then we went up into the squat. Basically, from what I heard and understand, artists can live there for free and use the space as their studio so long as the rooms remain open at all times as gallery spaces. So sculptors and painters and 'street' artists all live in this big building that's totally run down, but it's stunning. Their rooms are set up like galleries, and they sell their art, and it's all really rough and German and so tight. Trent had an argument with a guy that makes t-shirts about knowledge or something, Trent claiming that his 19 years meant he was as wise as this 45 year old dude, and the dude disagreed. Little boys weeing in corners. And then, as we were leaving, we looked up and there was this incredible... I don't know how to explain it. Do you remember the film 'The Beach'? In once scene they light these lanterns, paper lanterns, and release them into the night, and the wind picks them up and they fly away? So we're standing outside this amazing place and there's like a flotilla of glowing lanterns floating through the sky above us, like 15 or 20 of them. They looked like aliens or something.

Rather than follow the rest of the group on to the final destination, a big nightclub, Jes and I decided we'd had enough and headed back to the hostel. We should have assumed that 'pub crawl' meant 'crawl over broken glass and broken morals', but we didn't think. All in all, though, a good night, and at least we had some buddies there to laugh at the whole thing with.

This morning Kelsey, Jes and I went with Canadian Steph and a few of her friends to this flea market where there was a whole lot of cool stuff, little knick knacks and whatnot. I was going to buy this doll of a witch, but it was made from straw and wood and stuff and maybe wouldn't have got back through customs. I guess it probably would, but anyway.

Tomorrow and Tuesday:
Revisit Checkpoint Charlie museum and the Topography of Terror, an exhibition set up where you can walk along the Nazi interrogation chambers.
Sachsenhauser concentration camp.

Wednesday we're not 100% sure on yet, we've got to go through our guide book and pick some stuff.

I'm feeling a bit gross at the moment, my tummy is not well at all, so I'm just going to not eat anything for a little bit and try and sort it out. Maybe just bananas. No bread, no meat, no processed or refined anything, drink lots of water. I've basically turned into a sandwhich from all the bread I've eaten, it bloats you so much. But it's cheap and easy. Argh.

Our hostel is super great, the people we've met have been cool, and the breakfast is good, the rooms clean and the bizarre music playing at weird times always hilarious - death metal over breakfast? Sure thing. We're in a cool location, too, in the old East, the old Soviet quarter I guess. There are areas that have been really built up since the fall of the Wall that look great and modern, but there are really poor looking areas, too, that remind me a lot of Croatia, kinda war-torn and decrepit and buildings falling down, or just boring looking and brown and in severe disrepair. You turn a street and the buildings are totally different.

Also, people here HATE it when you pat their dogs on the street. In 2 days, Jes and I have both been glared at and had dogs pulled away from us while we've been saying hello. Whatever.

I'd better go book some accommodation for Prague, cos we have none! Whoops.

More soon, including photos. Jes and I haven't had any fights so far, but maybe the German anger will rub off on us. Only time can tell...

That's Jes, Kelsey and me, just before Kelsey left for Prague this afternoon. She's real cool, from Seattle, super funny and nice and normal. It's sad we don't get to hang out with her anyway. We're Facebook friends now though, so that's basically friends forever.

xd

Rotterdam, the Hague, and Berlin

Ok. So we're in Berlin now (it's Saturday, our time) but I'll start with last weekend, in Holland.

On Sunday, Florian took me and Jes to a music festival in Rotterdam. We saw a whole bunch of bands, some local ones and some not-so-local ones. Devotchka (the band who did music for Little Miss Sunshine) played at the very end of the day, which was rainy and dreary, but we waited for them and they were really good. Proper musicians, good music, fun sound. Great. Pity the photos turned out all blurry, it's so hard to get a good picture on these little cameras!

Monday we had a good day in Utrecht, did some shopping and tried some local food and lived as the locals do, sitting and drinking coffee by the canal.

Tuesday we headed to Den Haag (The Hague) to visit the ICC, the International Criminal Court, where we sat through part of two hearings relating to war crimes committed in Darfur and the Democratic Republic of the Congo. It was fascinating. We're observing from a very sterile little watching gallery, looking through big glass windows at the teams of lawyers, at least 10 or 12 on each side, and the panel of judges and high priestesses and gods staring back at us. There were security guards pacing around - I got in trouble for having water, Jes got in trouble for falling asleep, you weren't allowed to read unless you were taking notes, no photos, no talking, no smoking, no dancing, no fun stuff. The prosecutor was this Snape look-alike, all long dark robes and greasy curtained hair framing his face. He spoke with an American accent - learned, he was German maybe? Or Dutch? - but in this arrogant and patronising tone where he's just slice the defence team in half with a one-liner, and then the defence would retaliate really politely and reasonably. I was instantly on their side, I think because they appeared to be the underdog, and the team included this dumpy little man and a nice-looking lady with a lovely accent. They were so softly spoken but smart and clearly persecuted at high school, so I was immediately friends with them. Snape was just a meany - Jes was on his side, she kept yelling "Go Snape!"

I ditched Jes in the afternoon and went into Den Haag proper to the Mauritshuis, to see Girl With A Pearl Earring - the painting, not the film. It was in this beautiful little gallery (the Mauritshuis) which is actually an old house. I was expecting her to be all under lock and key Mona-Lisa-styles with security and whatnot, but she was just... there. Hanging in this little room, a few people wandering around and looking at her, it was so not a big deal, which was nice - no throngs to battle. You couldn't take photos, but she was totally captivating. Her face is full of little cracks, but her skin is so alive and glowing... whatever. Really cool. And weird to see it in real life, when the phrase "Girl with a Pearl" has been thrown around my house for years, Mum having taught the text (the book, this time) to her students for a while now.

And then that was it for Utrecht, and the Netherlands!


That's me and Ding Ding, Maud's housemate Jiva's cat, having a bit of a snuggle on our last night. He was 13, skinny as a rake, and roared like a little lion. He was so old and cranky, it was great, but he loved cuddles and kisses and sitting on laps and chests and faces. We miss him heaps.

We got the train to Berlin - about six hours or so - which was mostly uncomfortable, but ok. We slept a bit, listened to Wicked a bit. Getting the train is kinda great, because there's no getting out to the airport and then getting back in again at the other end - you just arrive in the centre of Berlin! Unreal.

Right now we're sitting in the bar of our Berlin hostel - The Heart of Gold - with our American buddy Kelsey, eating late breakfast and chatting and planning our day.

Yesterday we did a walking tour of Berlin, hitting a whole bunch of places - Checkpoint Charlie, parts of the Wall, the Brandenberg Gate, Hitler's bunker, a whole bunch of stuff. It was so tight.


That's me and one of the last little bits of the Berlin Wall that is still standing.

It was like a 3.5 hour walking tour, with this American guide called Jessy. She was really into Berlin's history and stuff, so it was great to have all her little sidenotes and things to latch on to. It seems like Berlin is a lot about it's history - about accepting it or denying it, reconciling with it, moving on from it while still trying to remember it. For example, Hitler's bunker - it's a carpark now, just a normal everyday carpark with grass and puddles and gravel and concrete. There's one small sign saying that this is the site where he killed himself, but you can't go visit down there, it's all filled in. If you were walking through, you'd have no idea it was there. It's kind of this interesting thing where it's not really being 'presented' for the public, because that would be weird I guess, but it's not hidden either. Having someone help talk and walk usthrough the whole thing was really ace. We're thinking of doing another walking tour later in the week, either a 'cold war' themed one, or one out to one of the concentration camps. I was skeptical that it would be lame, but it was ace. Better than wandering around aimlessly trying desperately not to look like or behave like a tourist.



That's Hitler's bunker. Not the bunker itself, but underneath the carpark. It's not special at all, is it? As in, it hasn't been made special by anyone. It's just a bit of ground.


Me and Jes in front of the Brandenberg Gate. It's pretty big.




The photos above are so tight. Ok. The mural was put up way back when (here comes a history lesson...) as like a Communist morale-booster. Look how happy everyone is! All working together! Scientists and families and workers, all in together, it's all amazing and everyone is smiling and happy happy and wow, how great is this. Obviously it wasn't so great, and the people began to protest and demonstrate and march. This freaked out the powers that be, and one day they shot them all. The photo, on the ground in front of the mural, has been placed there to mirror the mural, but the picture is of people at that march. It's the same dimensions, and so when you stand there it's this really interesting image of what the hope and plan was - happy faces and smiling children - and the reality. Apparently the mural is one of the last tokens or images of Communism that still exist around the city. Most of it's gone, removed, destroyed.





The photos above are of the Jewish Memorial in the centre of Berlin, which I think is called something like "A Memorial to all the Jews who were killed in the Holocaust". There was all this controversy, apparently, about it being Jewish-specific, but since then a number of other memorials have gone up around the place for gays, writers, intellectuals (same things??) and gypsies etc. It's really cool, the memorial. The ground is all uneven a-la Fed Square in Melbourne, and it's basically a massive site with, I think, 2311 'blocks', the meaning of which isn't really known. The guy that designed the whole thing was deliberately vague about it, and there's no sign or anything saying 'Welcome to the memorial!' or 'This is what it's about', it's just there. You can wander in and around them, and they get taller and shorter and you can literally get a bit lost. I guess it looks a lot like a graveyard - the blocks are about the size of a grave, maybe - and I think someone said the artist did say he got inspiration from a Jewish cemetary in Prague.

The morning started out so pretty and beautiful. We sat in a park and ate raspberries and grapes and drank water and lay in the sun. It was great. Here is us enjoying the amazing weather:

Mid-way through the tour, we noticed the massive grey clouds rolling over the city. It was dark dark dark, and then the wind picked up, and then the rain came. We got so so so wet. The photo isn't so great, it doesn't really do the wetness justice, but anyway:



We were frozen. But then the sun came out again, of course, and everyone was happy. Crazy Germans and their crazy weather.

We ended the day with noodles and beers, which were super cheap - we paid 4.50 euro each, and the beers were enormous, look:



The noodles were good too, the chicken a little suspect - we're not convinced it actually WAS chicken, and my tummy has been feeling a little interesting since, not in a very bad way, but it's been gurgling a lot. I think it's not used to Asian food, either, cos we haven't had noodles and stuff for a while.

More photos:

They have these bears all over the city, painted bears, everywhere. They have ones for certain countries, too. Here's Australia's:



And here's a random one on the street. Kelsey and Jes climbed it, so I thought I'd give it a hug.



Hope you're all well. Tomorrow is 2 weeks til I get home.

xd

PS. We had a crazy plastic bag-scrunching girl in our dorm, there's a big story there but I'll save it for next time. And then there's the Norwegian girls with the 4am-lights-on fetish. But I saw one of their nipples so it's ok.
PPS. All the photos I post here and plenty plenty more are going up on my flickr account, and you can look at them all here!